I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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