thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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