I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
