So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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