I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
All I want is dick and wine.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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