The maid of honor just puked.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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