there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize