she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
