I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
