i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Someone shit on the floor
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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