You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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