listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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