Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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