so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
did you just send me my own nude
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
