I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
