i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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