You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
