Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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