Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
