My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
