glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
