I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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