I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
