i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
