Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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