hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
worst night to have a conscience
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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