I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize