you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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