Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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