Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
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I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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