Moan for me like Helen Keller
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
