Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
