You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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