I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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