Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
