I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
