The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
