lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
