That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
