capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize