uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
