Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
