I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
as a side note pls kill me
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