just tell him i said nine months
I skipped work to stalk him.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Is Oprah even human
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
