this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My pussy is not your playground.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I want a musical about memes.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
