honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
