eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Randomize
