You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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