Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
