trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
