Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
