that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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