I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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