Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
