I'm so fucking centered right now
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
