I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
