Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
