im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
