Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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