why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
