mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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