i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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