I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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