i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
