i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I want to fling myself into the sun
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
