my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize