I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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