I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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