I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
