do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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