it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
