so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
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If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
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Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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