Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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